Conflicting Emotions

Being the harmony-seeking person that I am, internal dissonance is one of my least favorite states to be in. 

I used to struggle with: how could I be sad about one thing and happy about another thing at the same time? 

And: what was an appropriate way to express the opposing emotions without dishonoring the other? 

Or: should I be feeling this one instead of that one?

Also: what about the times in my life when I am working through something difficult or walking through a stretching trial and I am experiencing a lot of grief, or bouts of anger, while at the same time I still find myself smiling at (or wanting to) the warm sunshine or the lone wildflower I noticed along side the road? 

I feel the conflictions of the soul very acutely and have found that in learning the truth of today's Gem I have been helped a lot in this struggle and have been learning to give myself the freedom to feel what I feel, even if I am experiencing seemingly opposite emotions at the same time. 

After all, it's part of our broken human experience isn't it? 

It doesn't mean though that I am broken, or going to go crazy if I am feeling a multiplicity of emotion all at once. 

And I don't have to sort it all out right away and get it all "under control" and put each emotion in its "appropriate spot" before I can move on, or walk out my front door. 

It just means I've got different things going on in my life at the same time -- different things that evoke different emotions, and it's okay to express them separately or even in a same moment of time without being irreverent to the other(s). 

Basically what this all tells me is: I don't have to figure it all out. And it's okay to feel conflicting emotions and even to sometimes feel like I am  or being a downright "emotional mess". 

There's a lot of grace for us when it comes to our emotional selves and I know when it comes to me, I have a hard time taking it.

But when I do, ironically, I end up experiencing peace.  

Peace in the dissonance.